Somehow we got on the topic of what was the “hottest” kind of cougar.  People were throwing all kinds of ideas out there like cougars who just hit 40, centerfold-type, never married, divorced, no kids, ones with hot daughters, and every other qualifier you can think of.

After lots of fun banter one cub dropped the “M” word - ”married.”  Everyone turned to look at him with the combined reaction of, “Are you insane?” and “Dude, that’s hot!”  As it turned out, that was turning point of the conversation and the night.  The guys jumped behind him, the cougars defended their unmarried cougar status, trying to explain why a cougar couldn’t be married.  “A cougar is supposed to be available,” Kendra said.

“But what if the married cougar is available, and her husband knows she is a cougar who goes out and puts herself out there?” Bryan shot back.  “Oooooooh!” was the collective loud response from about five guys who where all high fiving each other and acting as if they’d just scored (something.)

“So you are saying there are cougars who are ‘out’ there who are married yet on the hunt?”  The guys and even some of the women agreed with this.  “And this is the hottest category of cougar?”  I clarified.   At this point the noise level rose and everything got kind of crazy so the reaction spoke for itself.  And the hottest cougar category goes to: ….. Married cougars!

As for the married cougars I know who party with us unmarried cougars  and cubs, I only have one thing to say to them, “You go cougars!”   (Okay, maybe two things, “Thank your hubbies for being so cool about it.”)

Now when you read this perfectly direct definition you might ask, “So what’s the problem?” Or, “Where’s the bad and the ugly?”  Well, as usual, it’s in the perception and negative spin that some of the “haters” out there have heaped upon the harmless world of cougars and cubs (which interestingly is populated with people just like you and me.)  Yes, some have called cougars “predators” and “hunters” as if they dress in leopard print body suits and cat masks and wait in dark alleys at night hoping to pounce on an innocent 25-year old as he fumbles for his car keys.  (Seriously, my friends, would this bring any gratification at all?  I think not.)

It has been reported that Sociologists recently have discovered some colonies of confused people who inhabit areas somewhere very close to a dried up wash in Colorado City where they believe cougars are sterile female mountain lions that have been tamed and caged to cohabitate with tiny bear cubs then forced to mate and create a hybrid “cougub” – only to find out after much four-legged humping and post-coitus nuzzling that the joke was on the bear cub because the cougar was past her pup-bearing prime.  (Or was the joke on the cub?  Hmm, I wonder…)

In any case, being a cougar rocks!  It’s nothing more than being a DIVA who enjoys younger men.  What’s so wrong with that?  Much like the foxes of the 70’s, the babes of the 80’s, and the hotties of the 90’s – all who undoubtedly enjoyed younger men from time to time, [only without Demi (Moore), Eva (Longoria),  and Courtney (Cox) to alert the media about their coupling age disparity] the cougars of today deserve the same experiences and fun, just with a newer, wilder title!

So it’s about time we kill the controversy, don’t you think?  Heck, if Hef could sleep with twin 24-year olds who were young enough to be his granddaughters, and Anna Nicole Smith (RIP) could marry a 90-year old man because “she loved him,” why can’t an everyday DIVA spend an evening with a great guy 10 or 15 years younger than her without the earth spinning off its axis?  [crickets........crickets.......]  Yeah….I thought so.  So go for it ladies, foxes, babes, divas, cougars – RAWR!  You own it!  Being a cougar is never having to apologize for who you are – and let’s face it … you’re hot!

The next thought when I see this question is, “Who makes the rules?” The only real answer to this question is the cougar and the cub should have a discussion (or two or three or four) together about what the “dating” situation means.  In the end, the answer will likely be that “it is what it is” (currently) and as you move forward it will be TBD and re-D.  Simple, no?

Interestingly, there could be a chance that neither of you set out with the intention of “dating” in the first place, but one day a casual observer or the cougar or cub happened to realize that the evidence suggested otherwise. This can catch you by surprise, and surprise you all at once (both of which are different, believe it or not.)  If, upon realizing this you find yourself okay with it, then you should continue to move forward and not be confused by your own self-talk based on your previous exposure to the term “dating” – after all, it’s just an active verb, (or is it?) – It’s not a monster like credit card debt.

My next question is, “What kinds of dates have you two been on?” Have you been on legitimate dates – lunches, dinners, movies, sports games, public events?  Have you just been hanging out, kicking back and enjoying each other’s company? Or have you just been making reciprocal cougar/cub booty calls to each other? In any case, these are all “dates”of sorts, and all well and good, just so they are what you are really looking for in your current “dating” situation.

There is one question I like to ask friends (and myself) when chatting and thinking about relationships and dating situations.  “Are you happy with the current situation?” If you are able to answer “yes” to this question, then good for you – Green Light, GO. As long as both the cougar and the cub are individually able to answer “Yes,” to this question then why get hung up on terminology? When the answer for either of you changes to “No,” then it’s time to pull out the caution signs and flashing lights, maybe bring in a new driver or even take the scenic route.  And as long as it’s green, enjoy the ride.

Immediately I wanted to launch into one of my “age is relative” soapbox pontifications - as everyone knows that all 25-year-olds, 30-year-olds, and 40-year-olds are not alike.  These numbers (or age speed bumps) would be my point of reference to cubs, of course; with 40 being the very top end, or penthouse view of  of cubhood, if you will (and I will.)

On the other hand, cougars tend to maintain the same frame of mind, school of thought, vantage point or rules of the road once they have reached and embraced their cougarhood, and learned to own what that means.  They’ve come into their own, they like younger men, and they’re proud of it.

The issue with the age gap as I see it is that although a cub may be charming, have sexy abs, and be interested in cougars, the fact that he just entered his first club last year with his own ID (rather than a fake one) and still sleeps in a twin bed at his mommy’s house, might make it a little difficult to undress him with your eyes without picturing yourself changing his diapers.  This, as we like to say, is a mood killer.

Granted, some 22-year olds really have their crap together, and a hot cougar in her late 30s would be more than happy to work something out with this young frat boy – but the chances that a 50-year-old cougar would want to do the same are not quite as high.  (Just because Hef did it with the bunnies doesn’t mean all cougars want to do it with all the cubbies.)

The real trick to working out the age spread is not to count the years in the gap but to look for the interest and the spark.  While it’s true that age is “just a number,” it’s also true that some people have the ability to make us forget really imporant things – like how to do basic math, like adding and subtracting (cougar age minus cub age equals…)  Wait, what was the question again?

Someone asked me the other day if there was a limit on the age gap between a cougar and cub in a “dating” relationship.  Again, my first reaction was, “define dating.”  But that’s a discussion and thought process covered previously, so I won’t digress here.

Immediately I wanted to launch into one of my “age is relative” soapbox pontifications - as everyone knows that all 25-year-olds, 30-year-olds, and 40-year-olds are not alike.  These numbers (or age speed bumps) would be my point of reference to cubs, of course; with 40 being the very top end, or penthouse view of  of cubhood, if you will (and I will.)

On the other hand, cougars tend to maintain the same frame of mind, school of thought, vantage point or rules of the road once they have reached and embraced their cougarhood, and learned to own what that means.  They’ve come into their own, they like younger men, and they’re proud of it.

The issue with the age gap as I see it is that although a cub may be charming, have sexy abs, and be interested in cougars, the fact that he just entered his first club last year with his own ID (rather than a fake one) and still sleeps in a twin bed at his mommy’s house, might make it a little difficult to undress him with your eyes without picturing yourself changing his diapers.  This, as we like to say, is a mood killer.

Granted, some 22-year olds really have their crap together, and a hot cougar in her late 30s would be more than happy to work something out with this young frat boy – but the chances that a 50-year-old cougar would want to do the same are not quite as high.  (Just because Hef did it with the bunnies doesn’t mean all cougars want to do it with all the cubbies.)

The real trick to working out the age spread is not to count the years in the gap but to look for the interest and the spark.  While it’s true that age is “just a number,” it’s also true that some people have the ability to make us forget really imporant things – like how to do basic math, like adding and subtracting (cougar age minus cub age equals…)  Wait, what was the question again?

Let’s face it; that’s a fairly old-fashioned perception of the term ‘cougar’ and thankfully time and attitudes have moved on. In recent years when older women and younger men have maintained very happy, fulfilled and successful relationships, the word cougar has gradually become one that women embrace and find flattering! With celebs such as Kim Cattrall, Demi Moore and Helen Mirren all renowned cougars, they are certainly not perceived to be conniving or manipulative but strong, confident, independent and beautiful women that most men of any age would love to date!

Today, cougars are now seen as sexy and desirable. Younger men are attracted to women who are self-assured and know what they want out of life and for women especially, these qualities all come and blossom with age and a woman is even said to be in her prime in her 40’s. Men find these qualities attractive and sexy and at the end of the day, would much rather date a confident woman in her 40’s as opposed to an insecure and dependant one in their 20’s.

Claudia Opdenkelder, founder of cougarsexxx.com, says she was informed this month by her Google account manager that the Mountainview, Calif.-based web giant is classifying ads promoting the concept of “cougar dating” — a la Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher — as unsafe for family audiences, even if the ads contain no sexually suggestive words or images.

At the same time, ads for so-called “sugar daddy” websites, such as discreetsexdates.com, a forum for older men and younger women to meet and which sports the slogan, “Get the arrangement you want…without the commitment,” continue to be labeled “family safe” by Google, according to CougarSeXXX.com’s parent company SexDateNetwork.

“It’s a huge double standard and I think women should just be appalled,” said Ms. Opdenkelder, 39, a self-professed cougar who has been dating a man 14 years her junior for two years.

“CougarSeXXX was made for women … single moms, divorcees and women that are just looking for a second chance at love. In any relationship, obviously there’s going to be intimacy but it’s not a sex-related site where we’re trying to push sexual relations.”

CougarSeXXX, which has signed up more than half a million members since its launch last year, bills itself as “the premier online dating service that pairs women in their prime with younger men and ends the double standard.”

Up until a few weeks ago, its banner and text ads — featuring photos no less innocuous than a man or woman smiling accompanied by the words, “Think all the good guys are taken?” — were running on millions of websites that outsource their ad space to Google.

Google spokeswoman Wendy Rozeluk denied that sexism plays any part in the decisions the company makes as to what ads it labels “non-family safe” or “adult.” Rather, she said the company has a list of words which trigger a review of the site and the ads before a decision is made. She would not confirm whether “cougar” was one of the trigger words.

“It’s not just about the ad, it’s about the ad and the landing page of the site,” Ms. Rozeluk said. “Anything that’s considered non-family safe will not run on the Google content network at this point.”

But a quick Internet search reveals Google-sponsored ads for various websites that purport to offer comparable services to Cougar Life. An ad for Anastasiadate.com boasts “15,000 sexy Russian & Ukraine women for friendship, love & marriage!” while SexDateNetwork.com proclaims “Greek Dating – Sexy Pics, Meet single Greek men and women, browse photos, send flirts & more!”

Actress Demi Moore and husband Ashton Kutcher married in 2005, when they were aged 42 and 27 respectively.
.Ms. Opdenkelder says she doesn’t understand why ads that seem more provocative than those for CougarSeXXX are acceptable.

“We just want to be treated the same way as all the others, and the discrimination against the word ‘cougar’ makes it even worse,” she said. “It makes us — cougar women — feel like dirty perverts. I’ve been trying to fight so hard on every interview that

I do that the old stigma on cougars doesn’t exist anymore and that we’re just strong, powerful independent women who just happen to enjoy dating younger men.”

The slang term cougar, meaning an older woman who dates younger guys, has come to prominence recently thanks to TV shows like “The Cougar” and ”Cougar Town.”

Google’s systems are notorious for being driven by emotionless computer algorithms, so some people wondered whether programs and ads related to the animal, also known as a mountain lion or puma, would be unfortunate casualties of the new policy.

Looks like “Cougar Town,” the ABC show starring Courteney Cox, is safe from the new rules.

“Our policy is that adult dating ads are classified as non-family safe,” a Google spokeswoman wrote in an e-mail. A “non-family safe” label means the sites cannot advertise on Google listings for users with the Safe Search feature enabled (it’s on by default) or on partners such as Ask.com, YouTube and MySpace.

So for those looking to finally start that website about taking care of mountain lions in captivity, now’s a good time to strike, when there are fewer advertisers in the wild.

CougarSeXXX.com is one of the sites where you can go if you’re an older woman who wants to satiate your hunger for a younger man (or, alternatively, if you’re a young guy looking for your sugar mama). The site has been referenced recently in a Pure, Unadulterated Joy blog review of the movie Ocean’s 13 and over at the Femdom Experience on a post about The Cougar Experience. Rawr.

Even if they earn more money than the guy, they expect him to pay his way-to cover dinner or at least split the check. The new cougars want to date younger guys who are romantic, chivalrous and, best of all, relatively free of the emotional baggage from the past. 52% of the cougars in the study were in their 40s and their ideal guy is aged 24-27. 45% were ‘lifestyle cougars’ who have dated more than five younger men. About a third of them say they will never go back to dating men their own age. And only 5% of women polled plan to ever return to seeing men their own age. A number of over-40 women are happily redefining the rules and roles of cougar dating.